I remember very clearly I was sitting on the front porch watching the sunset, for a few moments only, but it left its imprint in the vast sky through its colors. Like people in life, some come and go, but what doesn’t go are their imprints on us, it may be insignificant, but it’s there, for a while maybe, but it’s there. In our memories.
However, as wise as I may think, but my life wasn’t so wise with me, tired of everything I sat there, ready to give up like many times lost sailors do when they see no sign of land when they have nothing but the water that surrounds them. I was sitting there like a child desperate to see a big rainbow after all day of heavy rain. A light, a ray of hope maybe, but like those lost sailors I didn’t find anything but water and only water. In a moment I wanted to meet the water forever, drown in it, but in another I just wanted to sail my ship a little farther, hoping I’d find my land as if it was just there, right there but just wasn’t visible to my eyes.
How lucky the birds were, they had something to return to every evening, but what did I have apart from my disappointments, anxieties, loneliness and more over the gift of self-doubt that I possessed. As the birds returned to their home, my home came walking towards me. My mother, maybe I did have something more to return to. She sat right next to me, holding my hand and it felt like the moment my hand touched her’s she knew all about the storm going in me.
What happened? She asked.
What answer shall I give, I thought to myself! I felt that no word in the dictionary could define how I was feeling. The best part was, that now I didn’t even know why and what I was feeling. Where’s my heart? I thought to myself.
Nothing, no nothing specific. I said.
Are you sure, my dear? She said and then I looked into her eyes and felt as if all my answers were buried in them. As if mom had the solution to all my problems and surprisingly she did. Maybe that is why mothers are called angels of the gods. They always have a solution to everything. Anyway.
Oh, mom! Nothing feels right. I don’t feel right. Nothing fits, it’s like the world’s a puzzle a big puzzle and I am just an extra piece of it. The puzzle is very much complete without me and maybe that’s why everyone just leaves. In a flash. As if they were never there. How is it so easy for someone to just leave, leave everything behind, as there was nothing to leave.
It’s called moving ahead dear. Everyone does it, they have to. She said.
Does moving ahead means leaving people who have loved you with all their heart and all they ever cared about was you?
No. But there are some things that are just inevitable in life. For example, death, change life itself. Honey, you can’t stop the river from flowing, it flows at its own pace, with its own force. Similarly, you can’t stop someone from leaving, you can’t tie people to yourself forcefully. Can you? She said.
I understand, but what about the heartache maa?
The heart aches. Well, let me tell you something today that once my mother told me. Your going to need all kinds of people in life and mostly at all times. You just can’t be surrounded by people who make things easier for you. You have to need someone to make things a little a tough also. You’re going to need people who criticize you so you can be better. People who put you down so you can rise back to achieve your full potential. People who appreciate you, people who hate you, so you know what being loved is. But more importantly, people who love you. As not all of them are going to stick around. When their purpose of crossing your path is over they shall leave. But that doesn’t mean you are going to be alone. As I said, many will come and go, but the constants, like the rotation of the earth. They are those people who have been with you through all of it… Like the time when you turned to ashes and the time when you rose back to the skies. The time when you needed a big hug and mostly the time when you needed love.
So why to waste your time over what shall pass, why not spend it with what shall remain. But yes, do enjoy every bit of it as that my dear daughter is what they call life. She concluded.
My eyes had tears and my heart had bliss. Mom, but you will be there forever! Right? I asked
Till it is in my hands, dear. I shall never leave your side, but remember if I am not there then someone else will be there. There will always be someone, as there will always be you. No matter if you like it or not or if you want it or not, but each time you fall, that every time sooner or later you shall pick yourself up. To stand again.
Just remember, whoever leaves you, you never leave yourself. Rise from your ashes like a phoenix and light the world with your fire, like the sun.
(A dedication to my mother who has always been there, not with me, but in front of me taking all my problems to her. My true inspiration.)